Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Relationship Room with Dr. Scales


Dr. Kerri Scales offers the services of her Relationship Room to the Puddles of Myself readers in order to weigh in on all the difficult things that come along with love—or something like it.





Good afternoon, my Puddlers, and I hope you are enjoying this Wikipedia-blacked out Wednesday.

I’m injecting my editorial voice in here today, because, well, it’s always fun to speak directly to, you, my Puddlers; but also because I want to introduce to you a new columnist and contributor to Puddles of Myself—the one, the only, Dr. Kerri Scales. I have been wanting to add female voices to the blog for a long time and now we have another new one to add in to the mix and, well, she sure is something.

Dr. Scales will be stopping in on the blog from time to time to grace us with her thoughts on relationships and relationship-type situations. Don’t be fooled by the fact that she is a female—Dr. Scales is known to be hard on the woman-race, so fair warning to you all. The Doctor will also be taking reader questions, so you should not hesitate to shoot her an e-mail at k.scalzy@gmail.com.

Before we get started, in case you already doubt her, I just want to give you a run down of Dr. Scales’ credentials. She studied undergraduate at Mary Washington University in Fredericksburg, Virginia, where she wrote for the Mary Washington Bullet and even gained a level of notoriety for a controversial piece she wrote about a dog. Let’s just say man’s best friend, someone’s best friend and the president were all involved. Then, she got her medical degree from the Tufts University where she interned as a gynecologist for Jessica Biel. Since graduating from medical school, she has been practicing both medicine, and sharing relationship advice throughout New York City.

Now, I step aside and introduce you to Dr. Kerri Scales.


Dr. Scales here. I don't have time to mess around with introductions and explanations because I’ve got Roy Corders coming in to the office in about fifteen minutes to discuss some “leg noise.”

It’s LEG NOISE PEOPLE!!

Let’s get to this week’s first and only question.


What should I do if I catch my boyfriend sending another girl porn?

Well, slap my ass and call me Sally! You've just served me up a hot plate of Mom's meatloaf with a side of mashers and a pile of peas. Now where the hell is my cold glass of milk? The way I see it, you've got two solid options here...

1.) Join the party! Why let your sig-o (that’s “significant other” for layman like one, Matt Domino) and little miss wonder bra have all the fun?!? Invite them both over for a nice home-cooked meal followed by a dessert tray chock full of your favorite X-rated films. Chances are, the level of comfort will reach sub-zero temperatures and that hussy will be out the door faster than you can say "Ron Jeremy."

or...

2.) Take no prisoners! DUMP HIM; immediately. This one doesn't really require any further explanation, now does it?


Doctor's orders: Gotta go with option number two on this one. Normally, I would strongly advise you to talk the situation over, make sure you have the whole story, and work your way to a resolution from there; but this isn't a normal situation and I'm not a normal doctor. Relationships are a two way street built on trust, honesty, and compromise. When one of those is breached, the ground beneath you will begin to crumble and you'll be stuck in a constant battle trying to work your way back to the top. 


SEND ME YOUR THOUGHTS. I always find first instinct is the best...
















Dr. Scales: I eat chips for lunch, chips for breakfast and I usually have a salad for dinner.


1 comment:

  1. Although the question that serves as the premise of this post is utterly ridiculous, the doctor's comments were delightfully sardonic and well-worded. I like this new contributor!

    ReplyDelete