Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Relationship Room with Dr. Scales: Valentine's Day Cometh

Dr. Kerri Scales joins us once again for her Wednesday take on what works in a relationship and what doesn't. This week she has a special Valentine's Day theme for some reason.

*Editor's Note: Dr. Scales welcomes questions from people of all walks of life and love. You can send your questions to her whenever you like. As she is a member of the medical profession, she honors, with the utmost respect, the doctor-patient confidentiality agreement. And she's a hell of a gal besides.
Greetings my friendly little freaks! I’ve decided to get bold this week in anticipation of Valentine’s Day (or as I like to call it “Cupid’s a Dick day”) and I’ve reached into my bag of tricks and pulled out two treats for you. Chew on this:

What's cookin' Doc!?
My girlfriend travels to Chicago for work quite a bit and it just so happens that she'll be there next Tuesday (we live in NYC [not together]).  She claims to be glad of it because she has no love for the holiday and gave me a reprieve from the traditionally dutiful affection.  We're a relatively new couple and this is our first V-day, but I've known girls almost my whole life and while she's been nothing but straightforward and candid, I can't help but to think that a nice gesture would be appreciated.
She encourages me to come visit her all the time, but I'm having trouble pulling the trigger on a $200 ticket to surprise her on a holiday she's avowed an intentional negligence of.  Should I go visit her?  If so, should it be a surprise?
Pining in plane site,
Callipygian Cal
Well, well, well. I must say how shocked and pleasantly surprised I am that you, Mr. Hometown Hero Callipygian Cal, are writing to me (ME!) in search of relationship advice. You like me! You really like me!
It looks like me and your little lady have one thing in common here as Valentine’s Day holds no significant significance to me either. From what I can tell, this chippee is a go-getter who says what she means and gets what she wants. I understand girls are girls and girls are human and though there’s no doubt we love the warm and fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing we are adored - even from afar - I have absolutely no doubt that she does not give a shit about Valentine’s Day. In my professional opinion, I would put that $200 back in your sock drawer and save it for a time when the two of you can ‘do-the-once-home-of-super-doctor-Richard Kimble-up-right,’ if you know what I’m sayin’.
If you’re really aching to make this particular trip more special than the rest, why don’t you set up a surprise visit from room service (on her bill, of course) with some of her favorite foods and the Best Western’s best bottle of sparkling wine (remember it’s on her bill, wink).

Dr. Scales,
Valentine's Day is approaching and my boyfriend says that we should "keep things low key" this year.  Neither of us has a lot of money and I feel bad about making a fuss about going out to a nice dinner but I still think he is being a cheap bastard.  If he really cared about me wouldn't he be able to think of something to do that didn't involve spending a ton? If he doesn't make an effort should I dump this dude?
Underwhelmed in Washington
Hey now Underwhelmed, let’s leave the name calling to me. I am a doctor after all. To answer your questions as quickly and painlessly as possible: yes.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you hold a special place in your heart for Valentines’ Day. And from the looks of it, the same just isn’t true for your man. And, I mean I get it, not everyone cares about this particular holiday (yours truly included). But if all you’re asking for is a little effort, he needs to pull his head out of his ass and find a way to make this very un-special day special for you – and it doesn’t have to come in the form of a pricey dinner.
If what they say is true, it’s the thought that counts. And I would take a home cooked meal over a trip to a fancy restaurant any day of the week (except Wednesday).

I know I’ve made it pretty clear that Valentine’s Day and me don’t exactly run in the same crowd and don’t get me wrong here, I don’t want to offend anyone (or do I?). I just think we all need a little reminder that February 14th is just another day; same as the one before and no different than the one to follow. I know that the clever marketing and in-your-face-advertising from the geniuses over at the Hallmark factory make it pretty easy to get swept up in the frenzy of buying pink shit covered in sappy crap my dog (R.I.P) could have written with more meaning, but let’s try something new and different this Valentine’s Day...let’s love more and spend less.

That’s all folks.

As always my door is open. Well not really my door, but my e-mail in-box. And when I say that I mean that you can e-mail me with questions that I will try my best to answer when I am not busy eating my beloved overpriced gelato on the way back from the Super Bowl (read: the Big Pay Day).

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