Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Puddles of Myself 2013 Year End Awards

Matt Domino sneaks his year end awards in right under the wire.

We've reached the end of 2013, my Puddlers. I'm not in an introspective mood as the year comes to a close. I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe my brain is starting to mellow out towards the tail end of my twenties (you did see the kind of music I listened to this year after all); maybe I just don't feel like wondering what 2013 MEANT FOR ME!

I just think that in 2o13, more than ever, I realized that life is just about doing the work and the creative endeavors that you enjoy the most; that you should spend time with the people that really want you around them and that you really want to be around.

In 2013, I realized that Facebook officially makes me sadder rather than encourages my connections. That someone will ALWAYS win the Internet for a day; that too many things cause too many people to "have all the feelings"; and that while I understand that joy and benefit of communal groupthink, idiom, and just general digital B.Sing—something about it all had me seriously worried this year.

But it's not my job to lecture. It's my job to figure out what bothered me about it. That's what 2014 is for. That and more fiction writing.

Without further ado, here are the (slightly) abbreviated 2013 Puddles of Myself Year End Awards.

James Joyce Best Quote Award - "I'm sure he will come to me in my dreams and will seem to be alive again. And I am suddenly standing here by myself stunned and grateful. How strange, exciting and miraculous that we can change each other so much, love each other so much through our words and music and our real lives." 

- Laurie Anderson on the passing of Lou Reed.

Rajon Rondo Annual Assist Award - Alex Ramsdell

For recommending the album Overgrown Path by Chris Cohen.

The Henry Jones Sr. Quest for the Holy Grail Award - Peter Higgs, ATLAS, CERN...

Basically everyone involved with the ongoing efforts to determine the existence of the Higgs Boson and to understand it's physical makeup and and degeneration principles. I'm not going to pretend to understand the full ramifications of these discoveries, but I like what I read.

The Fast N' Fresh Deli/Sal's Pizza Reliability Award  - This one goes out to my beloved Walkmen.

These guys didn't release any music in 2013, but they announced an indefinite hiatus—basically capping off thirteen year run of solid, evolving, and very often stirring, rock n' roll.

The Sam Malone and Coach Ernie Pantusso Everybody Knows Your Name Award - Capri Social Club.

The best bar in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.

The Fleetwood Mac Memorial Artist Appreciation Award - Thin Lizzy.

All my Thinners know that this award was WAY overdue.

The Don Draper Award for Excellence in Advertising Award - The AT&T Kids commercial series.

You know, this one.

The Leslie Knope Public Service Award - The Boston Police Department and the people of Boston.

For undergoing days and hours of trauma in catching Dzhokhar Tzarnev (after he ran over and killed his brother Tamerlan who was in the process of being apprehended) and finding some sense of justice to the Boston Marathon Bombings.

The True Lies Award -  Justin Timberlake.

2013 was the year he jumped the shark. You can't pass smugness and overindulgence off for nonchalance and charm on me, Justin! 

The Michael Ginsberg Upstart of the Year Award - Adelle Waldman.

For her debut novel Nathaniel P., which set off many long-winded discussions of gender roles on Twitter and elsewhere online.

The Michael Jordan Memorial Moustache Award - Kenny from Breaking Bad.

You may not have known this neo-Nazi's name, but you remembered his wispy mustache.

The Doctor Doolittle Philotherian Award - Kevin Arkell.

This guy met Michael Ian Black at the Friskies Awards! He loves animals…especially cats!

The Hank Kinglsey Excellence in Arrogance Award - Kanye West.

I like Kanye. I loved Yeezus, but what I truly loved was every epic Kanye interview in the wake of the album. Whether on Jimmy Kimmel or on local New York radio. If we're being objective, Kanye was the CLEAR winner.

The Larry Sanders No Flipping Award - "Felina" aka the Breaking Bad series finale.

 The Barksdales vs. Stanfields Award for Best Feud - The regional rivalry that developed between the San Francisco 49ers and the Seattle Seahawks.

World's Coolest Dude 2014 - Edward Snowden.

Say what you will about the guy, but when you are a modern day spy who forsakes the paranoid agency that trusted him—bringing to light the shocking trends in the violation of individual privacy—and then exiles himself in Russia, a classic United States enemy,  you're going to turn some heads.

Yes, Pope Francis was Time's Person of the Year, but he still remains conservative on some very important issues.

Yes, Obama finally put his problematic, probably (hopefully) eventually helpful, Obamacare into action, but there were just too many holes to poke in government bureaucracy and ineptitude.

Yes, Mariano Rivera's final season proved that he was indeed a freak of nature that we will never see again and provided us with one iconic, goose bump inducing moment.

And, sure, Pharrell was responsible for the two pillars of every "Summer 2013" Spotify mix, but he wasn't inevitable.

In 2013, as the months carried on, it became clear that Edward Snowden and the NSA were (no pun intended) inevitable.

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